reaching

My “Reaching” piece began taking shape more than a year ago. Starting as a loose idea sketch, it matured into a striking stained glass piece, and finally—just weeks ago—gained the finishing touch: a collage of my own scribbled-down thoughts from about a year ago to be seen through the glass. These thoughts document my own process of reaching from that time, including questions, encouragement, determination, doubt, and reassurance. Some of the thoughts I put to paper were mundane items like to-do lists or reminders, while others were reflections on my life and trajectory.

Looking at the completed artwork, only snippets of thoughts can be seen, often distorted by the textured glass. I like it that way because it leaves so much to be filled in by the viewer. You might pick out words like “confidence,” “growing,” “looking,” or “stress,” which could bring up your own experiences of reaching.

But to more fully share the part of myself that went into this piece, I’ve included below a selection of thoughts that I used for the collage, as I first jotted them down. That means if I left a thought unfinished in my ‘scribble book,’ I copied it that same way here; and if I wrote it all in lower-case, you’ll see it that way here.

I like coming here. The counter lady knows my name and my regular order. 
I know that feeling
Want to be someone who builds
Something every day
Struggled this morning
Not yet. Not there yet.
I wasn’t at full speed on Monday. Preoccupied and off my groove.
Calm. Anchor. I belong to myself.
I have strength. I have dignity
My truest self? My most anchored self
Grateful for every day
Choose a life of
Well, I just did that. 
Still growing.
I was having fun today at the end of work.
How will I keep going with that? Am I ready to bet on it?
I feel a little disgruntled. Hope that’s okay.
Decision made, I guess.
Wed:
-wrap last pieces?
-prep chains?
-read
-shop online?
-watch deadlift video
finding my way. Where to go now?
I do feel angry.
I still don’t know
A good moment to be in.
Wasn’t expecting the issue to come up.
What is right. What is possible.
I like my story. I forget sometimes.
My life is real. My life is beautiful.
Just get comfy?
trying to grow into myself.
Trying to anchor. A lot of ppl struggle with that.
I am enough. My life is here. I do remember.
I’m doing well.
need my life to anchor outside of work. And anchor inside of me.
My heart was feeling raw.
Sometimes I feel like I’m not ready. Sometimes I feel so important. Sometimes I feel calm.
Solder worked better today.
I don’t want to talk that way
Then pause? Experiment with the stickers I made?
Sometimes I feel tired.
A special opportunity. I did my best.
Dignity. Strength. Love
I am like them.
I am enough.
Sometimes I just need to be okay with where I am.
I think they were beautiful
Wonder if I’m taking on too much. A lot of growth.
Not easy releasing tension sometimes.
needed a break.
Some let downs. Some work stress. Some [dog] stress. Some church stress.
I am going to be okay. I am right here.